Long Time No Blog...

No apologies this time, life is different and rather hectic, and blogging has just fallen completely off the radar.

Having spent the last 4 years or so waiting for a baby to arrive, now that she's here (and 15 months old no less!) it's taken more than a bit of adjusting. It wasn't too bad while I was on maternity leave, because that was a whole lovely time out of time, but going back to work in April... woah. That was tough and I'm really only just settling into it.

While I have to confess I'm enjoying being back at work in some ways (I still love discovering new books and helping other people find them too), I resent work meaning that I only get an hour or so with her a day, not to mention the Saturdays I miss. Yet at the same time, on my midweek days off (like today), she still ends up going to the childminder for the morning so that I can get some house stuff done and get myself an hour just for me. 

I've had a life that I've filled up with distractions over the last few years, in order not to think about the lack of a child. Now that she's here, it's surprisingly hard to get used to a life with no time for these distractions. With not being able to spend the entire weekend on the sofa with Anthony, watching an entire tv series and eating copious quantities of Kettle Chips.

But I'm getting there. I've had to become organised and tidy (don't faint!). We've chopped the number of "must-watch" tv series right down to a mere 15hrs or so a week. I'm trying to write meal plans, and planning my evenings so that I can still play WoW, and cross-stitch, and read blogs, and play addictive ptootly iPad games (Pocket Planes! Pocket Trains! Tapped Out!), yet also not feel that I should be doing all the house-tidying that other people (grown-ups) always seem to be doing.

I think it's actually just the same old revelation, I need to be doing the things that are right for me, and right for my family (family!!!!!), rather than the things I feel I *should* be doing.

So yeah. Same old, same old going on here really.

See you...um...sometime :-)

2012 in Review

I'm fairly sure that this is the kind of post that should be pre-written to be posted on the last day of the year, not typed out after a couple of glasses of fizzy vino while you spend a cosy NYE at home...again.

This year I have been a dreadful blogger. I really have. The giveaway was the fact that if you scrolled to the bottom of the first page, there was still a blog post from 2011 sitting there.

Shocker.

I'd say I'll try harder next year, and it might not actually be a fib. I still heart my Twitter, but I just don't get to use it the same way at the moment, no time for immediate tweeting of thoughts, so they may start coming out as blog posts again.

They may.

(no guarantees)

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2012 - and what I was doing when I should have been blogging.

January
After 10 weeks on bed rest, I went back to work. Despite being under doctors orders to take things easy, which meant sitting on a stool at the till for 7 hours a day and not a lot of actual working, I was consistently knackered. I had a look at my iPhone pictures to see if I actually did anything, and they are all either pictures of food or screenshots of Twitter. So that'll be a no then.

February
This is when I went to stay with my Mama for a week, successfully accidentally (sort of) met @kayels and @jayegan at Westfield Stratford, and came home to a newly decorated living room. Then had a bit of a rant about carpet.Also, @sarahanngreen had her lovely Michael which made me very grateful to be pregnant so that I could be properly happy for her rather than very jealous and tearful.

March
The F1 season started again after what had felt like a very long break, and we visited my Mama again. This was also the first month of my pregnancy where I didn't have a single scan! (I did have two in February though).

April
This is the month where you start getting pictures! (you lucky lucky things)Not exciting pictures though, just my starting to swell feet.

April was also the month we attended NCT classes, one of the best decisions I've ever made. There were eight couples in my class, and seven of us have met up every couple of weeks since our babies started turning up. As I don't know many people in Wolves outside of work, and no one with a baby, these ladies have been a proper lifeline.

May
My last day of work was supposed to be the 25th, it turned out to be the 6th. At my midwife appointment on the 8th she was concerned about my blood pressure and so dispatched me to the hospital. I was told to stop work and start taking medication.

On the 15th of May my feet looked like this:

while my stomach looked like this (Esme storing up cuddles):

This meant that I finished my Midnight Moggies cross-stitch in record time.

In fact I finished it just in time to get a good start on the second one when I spent the last weekend of May in the hospital due to worries about bleeding.

Before the hospital stay (above) and afterwards (below)

June
By the 1st of June, my ankles had vanished.

This meant that I got to enjoy biweekly hospital visits where I would spend an hour or so hooked up to a foetal monitor before being dispatched home again. This cost a bloody fortune as I not only had to get taxis both ways (no way could I manage the bus), I also bought an iPad at 2.30am one morning when I was convinced I was going into labour.
By the 11th of June the swelling was getting more and more silly. You could tell which side I'd slept on by my cauliflower ear!

On the 16th they gave up on my blood pressure and admitted me to hospital. I spent three peaceful days on a ward (single room, own tv), and three hellish days on triage (communal tv stuck on ITV and the two other beds in my room having new occupants every few hours as they went off and delivered their babies), the new iPad saved me on triage as I just played DiscWorld audiobooks constantly to drown out Jeremy Kyle.

On the 19th Megan looked like this:

On the 22nd she looked like this!

We finally got to go home on the 27th, after they changed my blood pressure meds and my systolic blood pressure finally dropped below 100!

July
Mostly a haze to be honest. Various visits from my Mama and sister and lots and lots from A's parents.
I spent a lot of time curled up in the armchair with a feeding/sleeping/feeding Megan. This meant I got to watch all of the Olympics with zero guilt unlike poor @unkn0wnvariable, who had to put up with an unpatriotic hedgehog!

August
More Olympics, visits to NCT ladies, and Michael Green's christening.

September
We spent a lovely week in the Cotswolds with Mama, Emily, and Pete (her new(ish) man) and I optimistically bought the new WoW expansion, Mists of Pandaria, and then promptly didn't play it for two months.

October
Megan and I gave Anthony a week of peace by visiting my Mama again. I spent a very enjoyable evening in a pub with the NCT ladies, and Megan started Tiny Talk and Baby Sensory classes with much assistance from Kate from the NCT classes who helpfully kept giving us lifts!

November
Anthony got made redundant and was unemployed for a whole week before taking a temporary (permanent if he wants it) job. Classes and NCT hangouts continued and the lovely @kayels and @jayegan came to visit while Mama was staying too.

December
I finally got a SPD diagnosis, as well as it being confirmed that I'm suffering from over granulation (seriously, don't google it) so need an operation at some point early next year. (Although not too early, I start jury service on the 7th of Jan!)
Christmas was spent in Essex for the first time since 2007, and it was lovely.

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2013 is really going to have to be good to outdo 2012.

I'm all prepared for it though: I've bought my usual diary (and aim to fill more than 3 weeks in) and a brand new calendar for organising us all.

I'm due to go back to work around about the end of March (I think), and so Megan will be going to a child minder, probably full time. This makes me horribly sad, but financially is the only thing to do at the moment. I'm comforting myself with the knowledge that since her fees are more than half my wages, when we have number two (WHEN, NOT IF!!) it won't make financial sense then ;-)

So that was my 2012. I hope yours was equally exciting, and that your 2013 is even better.

In writing this post (for two hours) I have come up with a cunning plan for blogging more. If it doesn't work, I'll see you back here same time next year. xxx

Introducing...

...Miss Megan Caroline Holmden Leake.

 

It's a rather belated introduction I know, she arrived here nearly five weeks ago now, but it took me a while to escape from the hospital, and then it's taken a while for me to get back at the computer.

But the discovery that while she currently is refusing to sleep in her carrycot/pram (the screams before she settles break my heart too much), she will happily sleep in a sling (I'm becoming a babywearer) means that I am gradually doing more and more during the day (even if this is just one load of washing and making dinner).

I have to keep reminding myself that it's been a very long time since I've been doing things normally, what with the three months of bed rest, then going back to work (and just wanting to sleep the entire time I wasn't there), then being off with crazy blood pressure, then having a not very straightforward hospital stay and delivery.

So here's to a new normal. (I'm not promising more blogging mind you)

Who's a...

...dreadful blogger then? (Obviously that is a rhetorical question, you don't need to answer it in the comments!)

Partly it's due to having a long stretch of time where life was just "get up - work - sleep", then it has become "get up - sit on sofa with feet up - sleep".

This is because I have the most amazing inflatable feet and ankles, to the point where yesterday I gave in and bought some flip flops (Union Flag design of course) because the sandals I have been wearing will no longer do up, even if I try to put them on straight after getting out of bed.

The amazing feet and a sudden attack of high blood pressure has meant that I've been in and out of the hospital twice a week for the last three weeks (hence giving up work earlier that planned) for blood pressure checks as they're a bit worried about me developing pre-eclampsia. Currently this does appear to be the case, as although the meds they've put me on seem to be keeping my BP stable, my hands have now started swelling up at night, and urine protein levels seem to be slowly creeping up.

Sitting on the sofa is rather in conducive to blogging, since I am not a laptop owner and haven't been able to get it working properly on my phone (new app just downloaded though).

Also, the temptation is to moan about my achy hips and sore feet and not sleeping and constant heartburn/acid reflux and and and... which quite frankly is all bloody boring and would mask the fact that despite everything I am still bloody joyful to be in this situation and would much rather be in it than not!

It's now less than 4 weeks til my official due date, but I have been told by my consultant (first time I'd seen him since September! (although I've seen a bajillion others in between)) that he "likes to induce high BP ladies between 38 and 40 weeks" so baba will be here before the 24th from the look of things. At the moment I have a final (probably) scan and assessment due for next Tuesday (Jubilee Bank Holiday day) which is when I should find out when I'll be induced.

That means you can probably expect another post from me round about baba's 4th month of outside existence ;-)

Ok, cannot now bend my ankles, so retreating back to the sofa and my cross-stitching (new one, have a peek on Flickr).

Love you all oodles you lovely patient people xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am very aware...

...that nowadays I am a very intermittent blogger. I am trying my hardest not to be.

I have been trying to blog by thinking up ideas ahead of time - this then means that I feel like I have already written the blog post in question. When, of course, I have not.

I have been trying to blog by not thinking up ideas ahead of time - this then means that I go "I need to blog" and then go "errrr, about what...".

The fact that I have just had two weeks off work (holiday I booked in March when partly expecting Anthony to be able to get the time off too (he couldn't) and thoroughly expecting to be off work for a year from the start of November (maternity leave)) should have meant that I blogged. If only about my plans for my four days down south, or about what I did when I was down there.

Instead I did a lot of cross-stitching, played a bit of WoW, read/listened to (Audible rock) a lot of DiscWorld and did assorted jigsaw puzzling, Pinteresting, and clearing out of old cross-stitch magazining while watching an awful lot of NCIS.

Then this morning, despite going to bed at 2.30am (a very failed attempt at getting back onto "normal" time), I woke up at 8am and had ideas for blogs and crafts and all sorts of things. So instead of just snuggling back to sleep and losing them all, I got up and wrote some very short notes on life, the universe, and everything. (and found a million beautiful Whovian things on Pinterest, but that's today's previous post)

So I'm not going to promise suddenly organised blogging, 5 days a week, with a topic for each day. But I'm going to add "blogging at least once a week" to my Now List (that's from this here book), and see what happens.

No news...

...is good news. Right?

Well in terms of me not blogging it is. I have been actually busy having actual adventures... a whole two of them.

Plus after phoning the hospital every day for a week following @SarahAnnGreen's totally fabulous news, I was finally told that although I wouldn't be getting an appointment to see the consultant, I did have a letter in the post.

Cue four days of worriting (our post is crap).

The letter arrived, was hastily ripped open...and then I burst into tears.

Good tears, as you will know if you were on Twitter about 10 minutes later to read my joyous tweetlings.

I need to start taking folic acid and low-dose asprin as soon as I start trying to conceive again, then as soon as I get a positive test it's off to the doctors for a course of progesterone.

I get to choose between this and this.

I'm choosing the second one, I bruise far too easily even without the aspirin!

I'll keep you informed better in future... promise ;-)

Well...

...that was number 4.

A few of you might remember this post about history repeating. (If you don't, follow the link and read it).

Well it did.

The day after we got back from our lovely Lanzarote holiday I peed on a stick. And it told me that I'd probably be avoiding chocolate for 8 months or so.

Unfortunately last Tuesday there was another little bit of history that repeated itself.

Namely, this bit.

Once again we went for the first scan, and once again there was no heartbeat.
The plan then was to go back in the following Tuesday (tomorrow) for another scan, and then to be "surgically managed" on Wednesday. My body had other ideas and tomorrow's scan is now to check that it's done it all itself with no help from any doctors.

I have spent the last week in a bit of a fog, well to be honest a lot of a fog. Anthony is pretty much the same, he just doesn't know what to do with himself or how to help me. Therefore when he hasn't been at work he has been getting himself hooked on The Walking Dead or having mad organising sprees in the garden.

I have been lucky enough not to have to go into work (fat lot of use I'd have been there anyway) and have instead been blasting through some achievements on WoW.

This had its own side effect, the PC had a fatal error on Saturday morning and we had to go and buy a new one. But that's another post

However every terrible thing brings good things in its wake. In this instance it has brought postmen bearing chocolate gifts from fabulous people, it has had me giggling at links on Twitter posted by people trying to get me to smile, it also had me in tears with surprise when the person knocking at the front door turned out not to be a salesperson, but instead a Kayels bearing flowers and cupcakes.

These people are my real true blessings from this. The people who may not live just round the corner (and those that do and offered to post me bread through the letter box one slice at a time so as not to disturb me) but who are no less my friends because of their geographical distance.

You have all been real heroes this week, thank you so SO much.

I am a terrible person...

...I really really am.

Two years ago Anthony won his works Driver of the Year competition. The prize was a weekend away anywhere in Europe. We chose Monza.

What I thought I had blogged last year, but didn't (this is why I am so terrible) was that he won it AGAIN. This time they'd changed the prize so we got £500 of Co-Op holiday vouchers instead.

Well guess what...

THREE BACK-TO-BACK WINS!


(his prizes: the wine is all mine as he doesn't drink it; holiday vouchers in the yellow card, the iPhone (8G 3GS) means he may appear on Twitter, the FoleyCat we owned already.)

Last year there were plenty of jokes about him being better than Lewis Hamilton, this year he's better than Fernando Alonso and joins Ayrton Senna with his three titles.

Since we hadn't yet spent last years vouchers, we're now trying to decide if we want a totally free 4* holiday in Malta, or if we want to use some of them towards a long weekend in Valencia.

I have always loved...

...mucking about with spreadsheets. That is until recently.

The changes at work resulted in two redundancies, we lost a full-time position and a part-time one. Another colleague had her hours reduced. She opted to leave and so Don has stayed, although he now only does 16 hours a week rather than full time. The three part timers that we used to have were all working overtime to do full time hours anyway since we are a full time member of management short. These changes mean that we have gone from having 4 full timers to 2 part timers and since we still have that vacancy...it's all a bit of a nightmare.

In order to free up some of Richie's valuable time I volunteered to take over doing the rotas.

I now loathe spreadsheets!

Here are some lovely photographs of what I have gotten myself into.




(sorry about the quality, had to use my phone camera - and they're not worth looking at in detail anyway as THEY MAKE NO SENSE!)

Once we have filled that vacancy the rotas will work well, in fact I have already worked out the base daily rotas. The problem at the moment is that because of the vacancy we can't use the base rotas as it would result in there being nobody there to open the shop...hence all the crossings-out and bizarre extra shifts.

Apart from me now being not so keen on spreadsheets it is also making me want to stay as far away from any type of typing as possible (and putting me behind with my OU work, but that's another (eventual) post).

So many apologies (yet again) for being a crap CRAP blogger.

I will be back with you at some point, probably once I have started sleeping properly rather than lying awake worrying about only having 4 staff on a Saturday.

(and I also spent most of this afternoon being convinced it was Wednesday...)

Blog Fail...

...Epic.

Since I'm on holiday there is absolutely no excuse for not posting. Well, apart from the WoW playing and book reading and naps on the sofa with the cats and trying to get the V+ box down to under 40 hours of recordings...

Sorry

Here is the meal I made two weeks ago (after the Chinese GP)

Chicken with Chorizo
It was ok but I won't be cooking it again. Partly because we discovered that Anthony is not a huge fan of chorizo, and partly because all the prep for it took bloody ages. (Which is not good when you are overtired and very hungry). Watching Anthony waving a red pepper over the gas rings in an attempt to char the skin so we could peel it was mediumly humorous, but since the unpeeled yellow pepper ended up fine, that step can definitely be missed out. So it was nice, but far too much faff for me.

Last Saturday I cooked the Chicken in Garlic Sauce for Angie, Paul and Joe and they were all very impressed. I was also impressed as after the pepper charring incident I had forgotten how straightforward the recipe was and was expecting lots of faff. No faff, just lovely food and lovely sauce and lovely people to eat it with.

Next Sunday I shall not be cooking as I shall be at work, but for the Sunday after that I think I'm going to go for something basic - possibly a nice Cottage Pie.

Lazy Sunday...

...Afternoon.

Well lazy entire weekend to be honest. But oh my goodness I NEEDED it!

Last week was one of those weeks where nothing is simple and every task takes 15 times longer than it was supposed to.

Anthony was back on the 5-1 shift for the first time in ages which meant that up until Thursday night I only got to see him at 3am when he came up to bed, and at 7am when I got up. The whole balance between wanting to see him and wanting an unbroken night of sleep made me rather ratty I must confess.

At work everything was very stop-start. By Friday I reduced my To-Do list to one thing - Rearrange the 3 for 2 tables. It took me all flipping day!

(and I didn't blog in the week because I didn't want it to turn into one big moan...oops!)

So, a Saturday with Anthony sleeping in (his night shift meant he got in at 8.30am) and me pottering about doing laundry and ptootling. Saturday evening spent sewing and watching CSI:NY while Anthony kicked ass on WoW.

Today I have been kicking ass on WoW (haven't played for ages) and got myself up to level 75. Anthony has been in charge of the TV remote and also prodded me into tidying up the bathroom and throwing out all sorts of bottles of stuff that were never gonna get used.

This weekend was very much needed. Now it's February and that's always a better month. Plus, it's only four weeks until I'm off to Center Parcs again for a week family holidayness.

Ohhh, and I'm managing to keep my list of books read in 2009 up to date - last week was a real slow reading week!

Third Strike...

...and I'm down but not out.

I haven't been blogging much recently because I've been absolutely wiped out with a combination of extreme tiredness and nausea. Also because the reason for the tiredness/nausea was really the only thing I wanted to blog about.

I didn't want to blog about it til after Christmas, until my birthday in fact.

Then I could announce the fantastically good news that I was expecting a baby in late June and then everything was going well.

And it was.

Right up until the point during my first scan yesterday when I was lying there looking at the screen and making out the shape of my baby and the ultrasoundographer (is that even a word) said sorry. She said she couldn't find a heartbeat.

So I'm afraid that instead of joining the many blogging friends and friends from school with happy baby announcements, once again I have to buck the trend and be the one with bad news.

I'm off to the hospital this afternoon for what is referred to as "surgical management". Anthony is here and proving yet again exactly why he is the Yeti's polar opposite.

You know what? Next year I'm going to have a bloody fabulous Christmas, cos last year and this one are just too pants to count.

And if anyone would like to buy me an early Christmas present? I'd like this please. *grin*

Love you xx

Good news...

...I'm not dead. Although, I don't feel fine.

I went and had a blood test today.

At least I was supposed to have a blood test.

But I failed to bleed a single drop.

Nothing.

Nada.

Nowt.

And that was with two different people trying to get blood from me. Both arms tried, couple of different needles too.

So, I am here still, and a bad blogger. And I also appear to have turned into a vampire while I wasn't looking.

Sorry.