Thursday, 4 June 2009

As a citizen...

...of the United Kingdom (being over 18, not a member of the House of Lords, not in prison, and not an idiot) I went and voted today. In fact I went and voted about 10 minutes ago.

And I was amazed.

I handed my small white polling card to the man at the desk and he ticked my name off a list and then handed me a folded yellow piece of paper.

I walked to the little wooden booth and unfolded the paper. And unfolded it again. And again. And again.

There were twelve parties listed on my yellow piece of wallpaper roll. I considered each one carefully.

1) The British National Party - not a hope in hell of getting my vote, racist hate-mongering bastards.

2) The Conservative Party - hmmmm, that Dave is rather convincing but I still don't think a lot of them.

3) Christian Party-Christian Peoples Alliance - see party no.1.

4) English Democrat - Never heard of them, never even sent me a leaflet.

5) Green Party - Ahhh, heard of them, they like hugging trees and saving whales. According to the note on the paper they are "A Vote Against Racism".

6) Jury Team - People who were once on a jury? (see no.4)

7) The Labour Party - Don't even go there, and especially don't take your travel expenses out of my taxes.

8) Liberal Democrats - Well...Vince Cable's book is selling quite well.

9) Libertas - Aren't they something to do with that awful orange Kilroy-Silk man? (Nope, having checked, he set up Veritas)

10) No2EU - well yes, but do you stand for anything else? And can you spk prpr engsh?

11) Socialist Labour Party - underneath this it said "Leader - Arthur Scargill". *silence*

12) UK Independence Party - Ah yes, the OTHER party associated with the orange racist.

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So, 12 parties...who could I possibly choose?

In the end I decided to vote for Mrs Swinburne because, "We are on the brink of a new era, if only..."

and if you know what that means, not only do you know who I voted for, but you have very good taste in television comedy.

3 comments:

jekandhyd said...

I haven't voted yet, but am hoping to see a Scottish Nationalist on the ballot paper to vote for, but as I live in Oxford it might be tricky

Three Legged Cat said...

Still laughing! Mr TLC says don't forget "Vote for Mrs Swinburne ... she's terrific in bed!"

(Glad he likes her, his birthday's not far off and she is his present! Not the actual Mrs S obviously, but her boxed-set form.)

I was determined to vote, but despite being handed the most extraordinarily long ballot paper that I have ever seen, I still didn't feel I was being offered much actual choice.

Michelle said...

I have no idea who you voted for, as 'Mrs Swinburne' means nothing to me. N showed me his ballot form, it was ridiculously long. One of these days, I may get to vote in this country.